Well, to borrow a line from my favorite Matchbox 20 album.

Today I stumbled upon a funny realization. Not so much, funny, hahaha, but funny as in what a strange realization to come to you out of nowhere, when you're in the shower. Which is a place I find, these things tend to happen most often. Why is that? Is there something metaphorically ironic that draws the deep and honest thoughts to your attention while you're in that little white box washing your soul clean in addition to yourself, and your hair?

I've managed to get myself off-topic on some tangent. Imagine that. Forgive me.

To continue...today I was thinking about my brother, graduating this year, and where he's going after that etc. Thinking about college life in general and how it really is such a great transition between your life as dependent individual to real life, where you're expected to have only yourself to rely on. Thinking about how it's sort of unfortunate for those who don't get to gain some independence, and move from your fishbowl to an aquarium, without having been completely tossed to the sea.

I thought. Yes, it's such a beneficial transition tool, that's why its good for me to be living in the dorms again this year, to regain some footing, so I can be more prepared for what's next. But then my brain suddenly shot back with, "That's complete bullshit. I'm moving back into the dorms because I'm afraid of real life."

Which I paused to consider, and finally concluded was the truth. Whenever live gets rough, I tend to withdraw myself from life around me, or surround myself with some sort of surreal reality. Me moving to St. Louis was probably an example of this, to just throw myself in some new enviroment so I had to learn how to deal all over again. Then leaving to go live in London, where I didn't have to think of that I'd left behind, that was still waiting for me to return. Living on campus again this fall, and the big one recently, would be the Peace Corps.

Sure, there are many reasons I want to join, and logically it makes sense to do it right after college, but could part of my subconscious reasoning be because I just want something else to delay starting the rest of my life, or entering the career workforce and therefore 'the real world'? Something to keep me away from real life (as I know and expect it) a little longer?

It's an interesting thing to start questioning your own motives. I admire my classmates (or people in general) who can just go from high school life, to being responsible and buying a house and land, and starting their real lifes. They're the ones with courage. Does that leave me the coward?

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