I mean, not simply the 'taking pictures' part. I've always loved that.

I mean, photography, like the do-it-yourself, really yourself, kind.

Which is understandably what makes it so cool. Once you get past the scariness of f-ing up your own shizz, and doing things wrong, it can be really rewarding to get something out of the chemist-like labratory process and the artist-like creation/printing process. That is, again, if you don't F it up.

I was really nervous getting back into the darkroom this semester for my Photo II class. Admittedly, I'd forgotten essentially everything I'd learned from Photo I, since it's been two years ago. At least I thought I'd forgotten.

But after a printing session, relying on Sam for a few Q's and reminders, I remembered how much I liked printing, despite how easy it is to spend countless hours working on a single simple project. Which shouldn't have surprised me, because it's the same as the Editing room for me.

Then this weekend I did another shoot, and for the first time this semester had to go and develope my film; again feeling like I retained nothing over two years. I was so afraid in the closet that I was gonna wrap the negatives around the reel to tight, or crooked, or however else I might screw them up in my absence from the blind feeling and the muscle-memory-choreography. Then, after doing it and re-doing it three times to be sure I was safe, I had to go and start pouring the chemicals, agitating, and counting, freaking out that I was gonna get nothing but a black strip of film in the end. However, when I was done I was overjoyed to see these little frames of images embedded in the strip.

Now, I'm re-experiencing the anxiousness I'd lost or forgotten about, when you have the negatives, and are just excited to go bring them life, and see what kinda of prints you can make from them.

It's still scary. But at least the scaredy-cat in me is now eager to get in the darkroom instead of hiding from it.

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