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Saturday, January 27, 2007
Just a note:
1/27/2007 03:18:00 PM I recently watched a couple films that together summed up perfectly my believes about, well, godliness and the universe, and I have come to the conclusion that I am 60% atheist and 40% agnostic, meaning that I don't believe in a God that exists in the way he is described in the three major religions, and that I think its impossible that we'll ever know how or why the universe was created or what exists outside of ours, and who/what/how/why created that, and so on. As absurd as it sounds, that's just where I am right now. Even more absurd, I think I really do believe that if we can exist as beings on this planet, under rare conditions provided by the giant star that heats our planet, and the gases forming our atmosphere, that it is possible that some other form of life may exist from one universe to the next; though I doubt that those lifeforms would be in any way comparable to the makeup of a human being or animal, I also doubt that they would resemble the appearance we tend to designate to "aliens". I have no thoughts on the intelligence that they'll poses if any, or if greater than ours has developed, but I'm just sayin'...it could be possible. I'm sure this all sounds completely insane, but its also part of why I think we should all quit twatting up our planet (as it's the only one we have) and causing an earlier demise than is necessary. I mean, we still got a good few billion years left before the sun burns out. So why not live life to the fullest, and get along as a global society, because let's face it, we need to be one. We're the only species like us, all existing on this big rock, so why the hell do we need to be fighting eachother and feeling so seperated and different from eachother just because we live on different land masses, or in different regions seperated by imaginary borders. Seriously. We're all pretty damn similar, when you look at us (hair, eye, skin color, weight, not withstanding). Do yourself a favor and check out www.global-cool.com or www.climatecrisis.net
Lately I've felt a desperate need to travel again.
1/27/2007 02:23:00 PM I'm in the middle of getting together my work for my Portfolio Review that I have coming up in about a month, which is stressful enough, but I've also been scouraging for information on internships, which I need to discuss with our director sometime next week in a meeting, and as suddenly as last week I've been hit with the urge to do an internship abroad this summer. I mean, early in the fall I was planning on trying to do an internship abroad, but then around Sept. till now, I guess the idea had just fallen into the 'not realistic' category. Which I despise, because I constantly try to tell myself that anything is possible (note the heading of my blog) and believing in that is the reason that I'm here, that I left Nebraska, that I'm pursuing the studies I'm pursuing, that I lived in another country for four months for god's sake. So why, when I'm suddenly faced with career/life settling decisions (at least that's what Internships feel like to me; the first step towards starting real life) would I give up on that and decide it's just not what people do. Obviously I'm not 'people'. It might be the rougher path, but if I could do it, why in the hell wouldn't I? I'm still kinda torn between making up my mind if this is something I'm seriously considering or not. Realistically, I should go home and work this summer, and save money for post-graduation life, do an internship in St. Louis next fall, so that I can actually already be living here and making it easy. But there's still part of me that wants to go do one this summer, even if it's not abroad, in somewhere like Chicago, Austin, or Denver. Of course the main problem with those is expense. I've done the whole living on my own for a summer, which required working 2 jobs. And if the internship I get doesn't pay (like most) I would have 3, and things would still be tight. But it'd be an adventure. Something I think I dream to often about. Or perhaps this whole craving the exiting experience of travelling and being completely surrounded by "new" has something to do with the girls visit a few weeks ago. It's such a wierd thing, I'm still not sure I can even write about it. I mean, I absolutely LOVED seeing them. It was like a piece of me was returned, and I felt complete again. Or the person I was in London came back for a visit. Only she wasn't fully back, but present. Things still felt so odd, that they were here, with me (as well as the me that was born in London) and yet nothing was the same. As soon as they were around me, I wanted to go do the things that we did in London, and we couldn't cause we were in the middle of Missouri in a completely different country. There were no markets to shop, no ancient cathedrals to visit, no tube rides, and most definitely no pub walks. This is the part that felt odd. I was so surprised at how normal it felt to be in the same room with them again. Abby seemed a bit different the whole week, but I'm sure she was having her own stresses hosting guests. Of course, I still felt bad that we pretty much did absolutely nothing while they were here. I know there's not much to see in St. Louis, and both Beca and Noel expressed that they just wanted to hang out with us, and we didn't have to do the whole touristy thing. But I just feel like for some reason some of our time was wasted by just hanging out in the apartment the whole time, watching movies. We should have done more. Even though it felt completely normal in a way that they were there, I don't think it ever felt completely 'real', that they were in fact there, untill the last night when they were about to leave. While we all laid down for bed, for just a moment, I felt it. Because that feeling of them leaving, the same pain I remember rushing into me in those moments walking down to Reid Lobby the night they left London. If anything comes close to Deja-Vu, this was it. That exact same feeling had come back to me, just as strong as before, and hitting me with just as much shock as before, as to just how much these two women had meant to me, and how hugely my life was impacted by their friendship (Ha, I'm sitting here bawling about it now). Of course it didn't take long for Noel to somehow realize I was crying, because she came out of Lacey's room and just sat there hugging me for a while because "Steph is sad". Then after a few beats of laughter, it was gone. And we were off to sleep, back in Missouri, waiting till morning for their departure from St. Louis. Another thing that happened after their visit was I felt a distinct seperation between, when I miss them, and when I miss London as a city. The whole experience is still all tied together of course, but before there were things that I missed or would feel nostalgic about, with all of the elements that formed my life there combined. I still feel like it was almost a 2nd life that I lived, though that one is permantly haulted in moving forward, but continues to float there in the distance as a constant reminder, and the one I returned to resume moves forward. But I still have the urges to revisit the city. It's obvious that nothing would be the same, but then again, wouldn't it? Sometimes I just miss the feeling of walking outside on those streets; the energy of the city itself, as well as the people, buzzing around Leicester Square, or Picadilly Circus, none of them realizing their contribution to the atmosphere. That would still be there. The tube routes, the stores, the paths we took to get from one part of town to another, that would still be present in my mind. I probably know my way around London better than I do St. Louis. One can imagine walking a city would give you that perspective though, as opposed to getting in a car, and paying no attention to anything but the road and the music your playing, in route from location to location, with no bother of the shops and buildings in between destinations. That's also part of what I miss. Just walking. Sure you can get out and walk here if you like. Chances are you may get from one suburb to another in a few hours, but there's no way you could go anywhere you wanted to go in the entire city, without a vehicle. Look at this. I get on here to make a quick-ish post about business, and work, and what I need to be focusing on for my future, and it turns into a post reminiscing about the past. Will it ever go away? Or is this heartbreak the punishment London bestows on you for ever leaving it? It truly has its own persona, its own character. And like a bad break-up, leaves you with your regrets and your best memories. The week with Beca and Noel seemingly brought some closure to that part of my London life, because we all exist here now. But it also re-inforced the fact that we'll undoubtedly see eachother again, and that in those magical months that for a while seemed like only a dream, were real, and indeed life-long friendships were forged. Life is strange, and what humans create of it for the short time we live, mystifies me. Monday, January 22, 2007
1/22/2007 03:17:00 PM Mathematically speaking today is supposed to be the most depressing day of the year. (See Note at bottom) Fortunately for me (even though my entire year is depressing) today has been AMAZING!! First of all, I was pleased with my assignments I'd done for my International Communications class. Especially since I was able to get it done, when the bookstore had run out of books, and the teacher (who is French and delightful) doesn't expect to have the assignments from those of us without books 'till Wednesday. But no, I got all of mine done this weekend, and turned them in today. Along with a film, and a video link, as well as an article (the assignment was to research 3 examples of media productions) and most kids just turned in printed articles off the internet. So she was pleasantly surprised with my film, and I felt like a good student :) Especially after I saved class, when the teacher was calling out for help from a techie. I of course didn't pay any attention and didn't really hear her or what the problem was, but Abby and Lacey are also in the class with me, and they started poking me, and telling me to go help. Which I did. And I saved class for the day. Woohoo #1! Then, I had a job interview for the Alumni Phoneathon here at Webster. ResTech recently cut my hours (and we're down from 6 techs to 3, so the time has really been dropping) so I need a 2nd job just to keep around 15-18 hrs a week, and maintain the same amount of money I was making. Which was barely enough to pay bills, with no money leftover for fun or trips home. I got there early, made a good impression, and walked out of there with the job before the other three peeps even showed up. Yay me!! THEN! I get back to the dorms, and find out I have a new voicemail. It's from Webster's University Center, which confused me, but then I found out that I won the drawing for a free copy of Christopher Gardner's "The Pursuit of Happyness" that I signed up for about 80 times, wasting time when we were in the UC waiting on Noel to finish using the ATM machine. Woohoo! Tonight Christopher Gardner is actually here and going to give a lecture at Webster, followed by a book signing, which I can go to now, since I have a book!! However I'd have to get out of my Janis Valdes class first. Which normally wouldn't be an issue, but it's the first class due to Martin Luthor King day last week, annnnddd its Janis Valdes. I love her. She is the only teacher I would never want to miss a class for. Well, maybe my new French teacher...she's pretty cool so far. Anyways, about the mathmatical worst day of the year thing: In 2005, a psychologist named Cliff Arnall declared that he had devised a formula to calculate the worst day. That year, it was Monday, Jan. 24; last year, Monday, Jan. 23. So watch out, because today may well be 2007’s most miserable day. Arnall’s so-called formula looks like this: [W + (D-d)] x TQM x NA. All of the letters and symbols apparently represent a sort of mathematical code to track the following:W: How bad the weather is at this time of year.D: Amount of debt accumulated over the holidays minus how much is paid off.T: The time since the holidays.Q: Amount of time passed since New Year’s resolutions have gone south.M: Our general motivation levels.NA: The need to take action.
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Wednesday, January 17, 2007
List of Movies I Watched Over Break
1/17/2007 07:50:00 PM As ashtonishing as this may seem, I swear that this list is accurate (or at least as accurate as my memory allowed at the time of making it, for I'm sure that I probably saw a few more movies on tv or whatnot..including one I rented from the bowling alley but cannot for the life of me remember what the hell it was). Anyways...I may come back and do summaries (albeit brief) of the ones I liked, and are worthy of mentions. Some movies I ended up seeing more than once over break, since I spent time with various groups of friends in L.C. and then St. Louis. An Inconvenient Truth ** V for Vendetta (twice) The Holiday (twice) Little Miss Sunshine (three times) Imagine Me & You (four times) I Heart Huckabees (four times) Scoop Nine to Five ** Cars Anchorman White Chicks High School Musical Pirates of the Carribean 2 The Boondock Saints The Transporter 2 The Santa Clause 2 Eternal Sunshine of the Spottless Mind (twice) ** Lost In Translation Gangs of New York Rocky Balboa Click The Queen * Borat Old School Quills Super-Size Me Frida Holy Smoke 21 Grams ** William Shakespeare's Hamlet (two disc) Hideous Kinky Little Children (twice) ** Gone with the Wind (two disc) Sophie's Choice Singing in the Rain Girl With the Pearl Earing Almost Famous Cool Hand Luke Yentl The Devil Wears Prada Best of Will Ferrell (three times) Best of Molly Shannon If you count the number of movies I watched (each time sitting down and watching one, so multiple viewings included) I saw over 50 films over break. Incredulous. Remember when I said I was going through a wierd, gotta watch more movies phase? Yeah...this is the end result.
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Well, well well
1/17/2007 05:02:00 PM I know it's been a while (eh, if two weeks is a while) since I've last posted, but so much has happened in that time. As I predicted, I hardly remember the post I intended to make last time upon my sleeping hour, but I do remember having a great time with my brother (we did some shopping, went out for dinner, and even spent a day (literally almost all day, at least 6 hours worth) playing Scene It!, as well as enjoying the end of my break, including my four days of being stuck in Kearney. That Friday night (whatever Friday that was) John and I went up to Kearney so he could hang with LJ (which he didn't actually want to do, but I wasn't aware of) and so I could go to a hockey game with Katie and Kayla (and Holly S.) and at least get to see them a bit while I was home. Of course the weather started getting bad, and we stayed the night anyways (though we would have been fine driving that night) and of course the rest of the story one might guess due to the news the majority of the midwest has been hearing for the past couple weeks (even down in Texas and Oklahoma their getting massive ice storms and outages). The 2nd day wasn't so bad. In the morning I quickly discovered that I would be going nowhere due to powerlines being down across highway 2, and that was before I even went outside to take a look at my car. 'Twas covered in a solid layer of at least an inch to an inch and a half of ice. It was like I'd just discovered my poor Tikisha after she'd been frozen for thousands of years during the cavemen era. The tires themselves had about 2" of ice around them, and had solidified my car to the ground. I couldn't even reach my fingers under the handle on my doors thanks to the smooth blanket of glass coating my car, much less try to get a key past the thick ice and open them up. Kayla and Katie still had electricity untill almost 5 p.m. so we watched High School Musical, and after lights were out played some games. Kayla and I tried to invent two person pitch, but that was pretty much one of the stupidest ideas we could have come up with. Creatively we were obviously running out of about as much juice as our cellphones after spending a couple hours making prank calls before realizing our phones were dying with no electricity to keep them charged. So Kayla phoned up her aunt and uncle, and they managed to come collect us to bring us to their humble (and heated) abode. Only problem was, nearly as soon as we got there they also lost power. Great. The next day we spent the morning playing dominos and dance dance revolution (with just the battery powered pad, and no television--believe me, it was still fun), but I have to say the most entertaining part was watching Kayla's aunt slowly disappear into the depths of despair. She was freezing when the temperature in the house dropped to a measly 72, and continually muttered that we were going to die, haha. Oh, but it didn't end there. Perhaps the best part, was when an NPPD (Nebraska Public Power District) truck drove by the front window. I swear to God it was like a scene out of Titanic. If Titanic were the world's most successful movie about an ice storm in the middle of Nebraska in 2006, not quite 2007, instead of some boat and an iceberg (who knows, put Leo and Kate in our movie, and it might've been interesting). Anyways, the truck turns up our street, and at once all the bodies in the house are up against the large front window, waving and cheering, with shouts of joy, hope, and "over here", "help us". Then, just like the boat carrying survivors drifted past Rose, on that plank of wood that was sure to be her death, the truck slowly passed by the driveway (which contained flailing power lines that had been cut/snapped, dangling in the air) and the cheers turned into cries of "Wait! Come back! Come back!" Katie and I even took the liberties of crying out with cold shaky voices as if we too were in the freezing ocean with the icey body of Jack Dawson, and his sticky-out hair. It was absolutely hilarious, though Kayla's aunt perhaps didn't get the irony in it (or perhaps never saw Titanic), and continued to try and flag down the driver. Sadly unlike young Miss DeWitt Bukater, we were not pulled from the water (maybe because we couldn't find a whistle?), nor saved from the extreme boredom the gaping lack of electricity tends to bring. Later in the day, I got ahold my broseph and cuz, and they came and got me so we (and by we I mean, the bro, the cuz, and the cuz's friend...myself not included) could attempt to bust my car out of its frozen prison. After about an hour and a half of wacking away with ice scrapers, karate kicks, thrown elbows, and even a Goldberg spear to my car door (thanks for that John) the ice began to crack and it was much easier to slide the baby glaciers formed in all the fighting off of my vehicle. Then of course, we set her on defrost to try and easy the work on the windshields, and all was much better. 30 mins later I was able to dislodge my car from the street it was bonded to, and move it slowly through town and back to Kayla's relatives. By the time New Year's Eve drew near, we were restored to power and at least got to watch Dick Clarke's New Year's Rockin' Eve--though seeing Dick Clark in his current condition wasn't exactly all that comforting. Kayla's uncle made some mean daqueries for us ladies (virgin of course) and joined us whenever Fergie was on the screen. I was all too pleased to at least be able to see Miss Tunstall give a few rockin' performances (seriously...a performance that by description deserves to be on a show containing that adjective in the title..unlike...say...that of Xtina's?). Anyways, the next morning John and I were off, and icy though the roads were, we made it safely back to Loup City, sadly only hours before John had to leave for Sidney. I felt bad for my mom (as well as John) since she didn't want us to go up Friday anyway, and therefore she lost almost a week of time to spend with us (I ended up leaving the next morning). And there began my week in St. Louis with the girls of the North East, which means, I'm stopping this post now, and will have to resume there later, as it is another massive post. Monday, January 01, 2007
I Must Be Crazy
1/01/2007 11:36:00 PM For the first time since Thursday, I'm going to get to sleep in a real bed, in just a few minutes, and yet, here I come, back out to the computer to blog. I really shouldn't start this now...it's going to be too long, and I have to get up at 6:00 am to watch my little cousins. Shite. It'll have to wait. When I return..which probably won't be anytime tommorrow while the boys are here...and Wednesday I'm leaving....I'll try to recap whatever I can remember by that time about some movies (the latest on my kick): V for Vendetta An Inconvenient Truth High School Musical and the snowstorm, as well as my break overall, and my family. Christ. It's a blog just daring me to never be typed. Only time will tell.
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i totally agree with you about our planet. i'm in a geology class this semester and it's really made me think about how amazing it is with what we have and who we are. as for religion...i'm about 94.5% athiest and 5.5% agnostic. i tend to choose reason over religion although i agree with just how randomly perfect a lot of things worked out there could be a POSSIBILITY of a higher being but as of right now i'm not sure i really believe in that. hence, the 5.5%.
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