I don't mean to keep bringing this up, but I found a blog post by a woman talking about the song/video, and I love that this song has had such a powerful effect on people like it did for me and my mom. So instead of posting the vid again, I'll post a pretty acoustic version to listen to whilst readin ;)





Wednesday, November 02, 2005
Because of You

Yesterday, a lot of healing took place in my house. I happened to read WICatholic's post about the song Because of You by Kelly Clarkson.

I purchased Kelly's CD during my husband's affair because there were SO many good songs on it that expressed my pain so poignantly (especially Behind These Hazel Eyes).

Whenever I heard the song Because of You, I thought about myself and how, because of what my husband did to me, I would always be afraid to trust anyone else from then on (at that point, he'd left and I thought my marriage was over for good).

I also saw it from another perspective....that of my childhood and the pain of seeing my father physically abuse my mother, cheat on her (he actually took me to one of his mistresses houses to spend the night without telling my mother and had her worried sick), etc.

But I'd never thought of it from my oldest daughter's perspective, who is the only one of my children who knows what her father did and that he truly left us (my son thinks he went on a "business trip" for those two weeks, and Natalie is too young to know anything)

When I saw WI's post, I wondered if my daughter might have been affected the way the person in the song was. And it broke my heart.

Well, sure enough, that night, I went to my TiVo list and started skimming through MTV videos I'd recorded, completely forgetting about seeing WI's post and all the thoughts it had brought up for me.

I had never seen the video for Because of You before, but there it was. I started to play it and Amanda comes up to me and says, "Oh my gosh, mom. Have you seen this? It made me cry so hard because I thought of dad."

I watched, and I cried. I cried for her. I cried for me. I cried for our family. That video is so powerful and so overwhelming if you've been in this situation (and I've been on both ends...the child and the wife).

So, I asked my husband to come into the family room and watch it with us. I thought it was important for him to know how Amanda was feeling and to see the impact it's had on her.

When he started to watch it, he didn't really realize what it was all about. Until about mid-way, when he says, "Is that her as the daughter?"

I watched the mother in that video and saw myself and my mother. I saw myself, taking my anxiety medication, just like that mother is doing. I know my face was haggard like that. The ONLY difference is, and this is one thing I can be proud of, is that for the month that none of the kids knew what was going on, including Amanda, I hid it all very well.

I'd have my breakdowns (many of them), but I'd always go to the bathroom or bedroom and cry as quietly as I could. Nights were the worst. They all sleep with fans, so I could really belt it out and belt it out I would do! And even when Amanda finally found out, I held it together as best as I could.

To see that wife's pain, it just brought up so much of the pain I'd been through.

But when they got to the part where the father pulls his suitcase away from the little girl, gets in his car, and the girl watches him as he drives away, Amanda and I were both crying because that's EXACTLY what it was like when he left us (not the actions, but the feelings).

Then something amazing happened. My husband, who has not shed one tear over this whole thing, who's tried to bury the guilt and remorse and has felt out of touch with his feelings, started crying so hard and had to leave the room.

"That is so awful. That is just so awful. Oh my gosh, I feel so guilty," he said as he went into the office to have his breakdown finally.

My daughter was still in the family room crying, and I didn't know who to go to. I hugged her and told her to go to him and she said no. So, I went to him and hugged him and told him that Amanda was crying and needed him.

He went to her, and they spent a long time in a loving embrace, getting all of the pain and anger and remorse and guilt that has needed to come out for a LONG time out. And healing each other from all of that garbage.

It was an amazing moment, and definitely one that God led us to, starting with WI's post.

I told my husband how the video ended because he left before he could see it because he couldn't take anymore he said. (He later watched it with me alone)

I told him that Kelly (who had been flashing back on her childhood in the midst of a fight with her husband) comes back to the present and stops her husband from smashing a family portrait. They embrace, and their daughter comes out of the room and sees them happy and they all hug each other.

I told him that that is our family. That we turned things around. We didn't smash that picture. We are together. We are holding each other. And we are happy. We have scars, but they are healing. And our daughter sees that. We are the happy ending. We are changing the past, overcoming our own childhood scars, for us and for our children.

I hope anyone who has ever thought of throwing their marriage away or having an affair will see this video. It is such a good example of the pain and the damage that is done in those circumstances.

To see the video, click here or TiVo MTV's Video Wake-up (I think that's the name of it). It should still be playing there.

Here are the lyrics, but you simply HAVE to watch the video to really understand the power of this song:




So anyways, I don't remember if I posted this, but...
About a week ago, my mom called me up one morning and was yelling at me, and was like, "Have you seen Kelly's new video!?" My mom only watches videos on CMT so I'm thinking hmm, Kelly Who? And she's like, "Kelly Clarkson! Duh!", and I was like, "Yeah, why were you watching that?" And of course she was like, "Oh, Marc had it on the wrong channel, when I told him to put on CMT" hahahaha. Anyways, she went on to tell me about how she watched it and started bawling, and wondering if that's the way I feel about her and our life, and then she got mad at me and said it was my fault that she was bawling and her face was all red before she left for school in the morning, hahahaha. I thought it was hilarious, but really almost ironic that she saw it and instantly connected it like I did, without me ever saying anything about it to her. That's really cool.


and just in case Charley is readin this, BWAHAHAHAHA!!! I found and article that agrees with me! Plus he thinks my two fav songs should be next! I'm a genious!

"Kelly Clarkson Must Release Another Instead of Gone
by Ron Johnson (2005/11/13)

Hear Me or Addicted must be released instead of Gone (which may be ok for the British more pop oriented music market) in the USA from Kelly Clarkson's album."

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